So a quick glance at my previous entries and I feel the sickening pit in my heart as I realise the spirituality that gushes unto one during the beautiful month of Ramadhan seems to have puffed out.
BUT
there is hope in the air (perhaps a lasting scent?). I sincerely hope it’s fortifying.
See, the crux of this sudden post is that I have finally took the leap and done something that seems so out of the bounds of my life. It may be a trivial matter to most. Actually it’s pretty run-of-the-mill to practically all.
I enrolled at a college.
*silence*
yes the above is the response I’m most likely to get.
But the fact of the matter is: It never seemed a possibility for me. Yes, I’ve studied and done my A-Levels but the matter would take a whole James Joyce narrative to explore. So lets put a cork on that. CLUCK.
(Either that’s a demented cork or my conscience actually is a chicken).
RETURN to…my spirituality.
As I took many words to mention above, I started college but nothing is ever as you imagine.
Yes, the campus is great, the staff are helpful and the course promising. But I felt blotted. (Yes blotted not bloated, or even blooded.) The tension in my neck took camp all over my head by the end of the day. And as I sat analysing over the day and all I needed to do now I realised why.
Spirituality. See the thing is my whole life I’ve been blessed enough to have kept to a clean environment. Started work is the name of my Lord; kept my intention for the betterment of my deen; talked to my Lord through all aspects of my day; greeted peers and colleges with smiles and His Name and finally ended my tasks with His Name.
So you can see what my blotter is. It’s the stamp of bureaucracy. The ink of officialism and the print of RESULTS.
This is all good and well for an institute. Actually after working as a teacher/assistant for over three years I say its required if one wants to run a stable yet productive hold.
BUT, as a new chicken I see the production line and I see the future they promise. I just don’t see a handhold.
I ask for no clutch, I simply miss the faith and the good intentions. I miss the spirituality that aligns itself with working for a purpose of good.
I mentioned this over-tensed and blotted feeling to a dear friend of mine who recently graduated. She confirmed that yes “to be honest it does chip away at your spirituality.” However she also said being hyper aware of this can aid you in keeping to your happiness and faith. So I hope this dream of mine to pursue a good education that allows me to continue teaching, runs smoothly and that Allaah the Almighty protects me from above, from below, from the right the left, from whatever may come behind me, and anything that faces me. And gives me the strength to hold onto my faith and love till my last breath. Ameen thuma ameen.
وعليكم السلام
and unto you be Peace
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