Tag Archives: dua

Frustrated

Frustration.

Pure unadulterated bloody effing frustration.

It’s like I take a step and 5 more doors slam on me, bolted shut and bounced by the bodyguard of bureaucracy.

We live, looking to the future, always thinking (even subconsciously) of the best. Hoping and being told over and over again that there is Always Hope. That when life hands you lemons you go and make some bloody lemonade.

But, what if your luck is so terrible that even those lemons you’re handed aren’t ripe? That the zesty sour citrus is actually achingly acidic?

I’m dousing this entry with pessimism I know.

I had intended to make a post about successfully living through the first three weeks of college with the juggling of work and travel, and all the happiness I feel in being able to take on Adcanced Maths (so so SO very happy by the way).

But word must come as my fingers fly over this well selected keyboard, and they do, a will of their own and I will conclude this post with these words.

Working for your dream, for the chances that should appear but never do, is damn fricking hard!

I suppose that’s why success is said to be so sweet.

BUT will success ever truly be satisfactory? Will not our mind seek to pursue more? Human nature being ungrateful as it is, never content with the walkway, the escalator, the elevator or even a bloody cherry picker. We want to reach that star and there will always be more stars beyond that.

I’m obviously in a very optimistic mood here.

I pray to my Lord that He keeps me content, that He makes me thankful with what I have and always be happy with even the little successes in life. Ameen.

Waiting is the Watchword

Waiting. 

That’s the keyword for today.

Wait for the hot water. Wait for the sun to rise. Wait for the tea to cool. Wait for a bus. Wait out fellow commuters slugging along Longford. Wait for the end of assembly. Wait for the next colleague. Wait for the test to end for surely these seconds could pass for minutes.  Wait for another bus. Wait for my door to open. Wait for my ride. Wait for that receptionist. Wait for a dozen incorrect logins to verify. Wait for salaah to begin. Wait for this lab door to open. Wait for it all to begin.
…and yes my list may have ended there, as my teacher came along and finally unlocked the lab, but sadly it was not the end of my wait.
However, the real cherry on the Waiting Pie? You never asked, but I will nonetheless reply: The third bus of my day.

That 20A national express that sped away from campus as I stepped out its “convenient” automatic doors. Leaving me to wonder around aimlessly for 32 minutes.
Why, thank you Coventry for the regular prompt rotation of buses.

And here I am unable to a acknowledge that these choices I’ve made are for the best.

Because here on this bus where I sit (the fifth bus of the day) my empty stomach and medicated mind wonder: Why does my head feel sucked up of all air? Barren. And yet heavy too, in all its stillness. Like the wide expanse of a parched desert-scape, airless and stifling, only accepting the stark, unforgiving rays of the scalp. Tightening.  This is how I found my coherency (much later); tangled and strained. As for the goals I had? Well those I’m sure will come back to me once I breathe again.

In hindsight, as I read over this entry I realise much of it may seem incoherent and exaggerated. But reader understand that the human being is complex and every one of our minds holds the capacity for infinite combinations and variations.

It just so happens that on this day my mind, body and soul felt used up. I do not apologise (except to my health). I do believe however, that every tear, strength of will and challenge that we shed, show and solve can only make us all the more stronger.

Here’s to us all on the days where Brain and Body rage war on Ambition. Kisses and Hugs on the house.

And through all difficulty and every ease we should turn to the Most High. I pray that I always do. That the Angels above become so attuned to my voice that even my whisper of help (or happiness) brings forth the rushing response from Above. Ameen Ya Rabul’Alameen.

and unto you Peace.

A Draft After Watching a Dua for Palestine by Shaykh Mishary Rashid

[ THIS POST HAS BEEN GATHERING DUST IN MY DRAFTS SINCE RAMADHANI believe I also owe it to my sisters and brothers in Palestine to share it too. ]

Dua for Palestine | Shaykh Mishary Rashid | Yasee…: http://youtu.be/_vBT_KqAUV4

Having not yet decided upon my blogs overall theme I have decided to throw all caution to the wind and seeing which of those seven letters return. Then I may do justice to my thoughts.

This dua was sent to me from a dear old friend, and I watched as each slide unfolded – as every word and praise and plea broke down defenses I did not know I held.
It is by no means the most renowned suplication or most melodic or emotionaly compromising (this is, of course, subjext to each individual). But, dear reader, I felt it in that compartment of my consciousness that tends to sit aside from reality and observe, thinking: umm…huumm yes…indeed…a uncharacteristic turn of events…hmmm…mm…
Forget, for the time being that my idle conscious seems to personify a moustached suit of the Poirot variety, because this is the point where my literal eye decided to pour out actual tears and tears and tears.
I pray that the Most Merciful is softening my heart and strengthening my deen and always continues to do so. Ameen.

I also praise my Lord Allaah Most High for having given me such great companions through my life, and pray He continues to keep me in the company of His most beloved servants. Ameen thuma ameen!

Continuing in however, I must not forget to mention the purpose of this video.

Saving Gaza

Having a faith, a charity or even a Palestine flag is NOT a requirement for helping those in Palestine. These human beings living each day in fear of a ‘stray’ bullet, constantly under the watch of guns and barred from worshipping as every single one of us has a right to worship, to believe, To hope. No, dear reader, your just need to be Human.

So please raise a hand to donate, to sign a petition, to sing in protest and most importantly to pray.

and unto you be Peace