Tag Archives: ambition

Drama on the UCAS Lane

having written, re written and re-re-written countless drafts of my “perfect” personal statement I have now been sidetracked to this blog. My poor neglected I’ll-visit-you-once-a-month-honey-blog.

With the shocking aftermaths of the spicy chicken tika nan I built this morning for work I’ll dive right in. Dragon fire and all…

Personal Statements.

Use capital letter here and O-M-G don’t use capital letters there!

for Gods sake NEVER EVER to the DEATH OF YOU put quotes in your P-S!

It’s four thousand CHARACTERS NOT LETTERS dimwit

And numbers MUST BE WRITTEN in letter form understand?

FOCUS on the modules you’ll learn

Dude, they know what they’ll give you! BUT WHAT THE HELL can YOU give them?

is that even the way to use a semi-colon?

Sweetheart it totally needs to be personal but totally formal but totally truthful but totally positive but totally enthusiastic but totally seriously committed to it.

And that is the reality behind a genuine personal statement. Only I’ve found that once you understand your subject matter you flow through brilliantly.

Want to know the bitter part?
EDITING and SPLICING and SHRINKING to fit the quota required.

If it’s not evident in the entry, this is actually a Good luck gals and guys of all ages and races! May you get the choice you want and may the years ahead be epic! Xxx

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Yes, My Plans Reject Me but I AM NOT YOU.

A idea, a pamphlet, a distraction

it becomes embedded my my nerves as well.

I plan. Plan so much; routes, times, lists, pictures, speech.

And when the day hits I go.

Mostly.

When I do what do I feel? Happy? Content?

Like I have finally achieved something?

Perhaps it’s just that I left comfort, done something. Found a Me.

Made a draft that I painted in full.

Because when it doesn’t happen I feel death.

I feel a heart crumpled, a vein blocked.

A mind melded to a lumped throat

Drawings of routes, times, lists, pictures and speech useless.

A waste.

Crying won’t help so don’t go about sad.

Plot. Plan more. Keep doing it again and again and again until I plan Perfection.

I plan Happiness.

I plan Contentment.

One day I will find Me.

and you? You can just watch. You can chat, misunderstand, hate or even be wiser than me.

But me? I will have done life.

I pray my Lord stays with me. Always.

Waiting is the Watchword

Waiting. 

That’s the keyword for today.

Wait for the hot water. Wait for the sun to rise. Wait for the tea to cool. Wait for a bus. Wait out fellow commuters slugging along Longford. Wait for the end of assembly. Wait for the next colleague. Wait for the test to end for surely these seconds could pass for minutes.  Wait for another bus. Wait for my door to open. Wait for my ride. Wait for that receptionist. Wait for a dozen incorrect logins to verify. Wait for salaah to begin. Wait for this lab door to open. Wait for it all to begin.
…and yes my list may have ended there, as my teacher came along and finally unlocked the lab, but sadly it was not the end of my wait.
However, the real cherry on the Waiting Pie? You never asked, but I will nonetheless reply: The third bus of my day.

That 20A national express that sped away from campus as I stepped out its “convenient” automatic doors. Leaving me to wonder around aimlessly for 32 minutes.
Why, thank you Coventry for the regular prompt rotation of buses.

And here I am unable to a acknowledge that these choices I’ve made are for the best.

Because here on this bus where I sit (the fifth bus of the day) my empty stomach and medicated mind wonder: Why does my head feel sucked up of all air? Barren. And yet heavy too, in all its stillness. Like the wide expanse of a parched desert-scape, airless and stifling, only accepting the stark, unforgiving rays of the scalp. Tightening.  This is how I found my coherency (much later); tangled and strained. As for the goals I had? Well those I’m sure will come back to me once I breathe again.

In hindsight, as I read over this entry I realise much of it may seem incoherent and exaggerated. But reader understand that the human being is complex and every one of our minds holds the capacity for infinite combinations and variations.

It just so happens that on this day my mind, body and soul felt used up. I do not apologise (except to my health). I do believe however, that every tear, strength of will and challenge that we shed, show and solve can only make us all the more stronger.

Here’s to us all on the days where Brain and Body rage war on Ambition. Kisses and Hugs on the house.

And through all difficulty and every ease we should turn to the Most High. I pray that I always do. That the Angels above become so attuned to my voice that even my whisper of help (or happiness) brings forth the rushing response from Above. Ameen Ya Rabul’Alameen.

and unto you Peace.