Tag Archives: life

Honest to truth smiling Freedom

​I felt freedom today.

I still felt you there 

But I ignored you for later.
I felt freedom today.

I found so many of you with them

And they smiled back 

They conversed and 

Conveyed 

And when you swang on in

I looked up to swat you away.
I felt freedom today 

And know tomorrow will

Have

No

Such

Luck.
I felt freedom today.

You’ll plague me tonight 

But I damn well got today.

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Churning Cross


When the throat is straitened 

and each weeze a corrosive churn.

My eyelashes become mallets 

Pegging my sight down.

In ground.

Every raspy word lifts

Like steam in your cauldron 

Boiling and reacting and

Unhurting

The only way we can to ourselves.
We’ll collect the remains 

And archive the strains

But my mind will forget

As my body witholds.
And my brain will smile

At new seasons

And trends.

Forget the old, forget the current.

The future is definite so hold it 

Precious.

Even though my breath can’t catch

Up. And I’ll still lie.

I’ll still lie.

I’ll still lie.

Pushing Decades


Reaching the quarter.

The century references dig 

in its depth is death.

No lights and abundance 

of noise.

We reached a pair of decades and

rushed for more.

Hated you.

Hated the past you.

Hated the you of now.

And hate the you in death.

Nothing makes you an angel.

Mold and plasma till

memories give you heart and smile.
Depth of the grave.

Depth of your human self.

Goodbye worthless 

And captureless

And ageless

you. Goodbye.

Changing Wrongs

Hate how it’ll change for you and for you and even you too. I’d 

do it. 

Again and again and again.

but this is expandable 

this is tissue 

this is just. Only not just.

this is talking over the head

this is words gone missing

this is me.

And this me is tired 

or calendars that mess up

and groups that add up to

Spinning ideas and

lame humans

that pay too much for a human like face 

and socially accepted manners.

This me says delete the days and

bring back the halls 

of honest home.
~bH374
(On a brighter side note: The picture I’ve added to this post is from my trip to Chatsworth House yesterday. So very amazing.)

why try to push those Daisys

Words tapping away
days drawn in a sweep
markings made and
digits dismembered

agreements pushed
remember, hawks kneeyow and
sing as claws hold, hold.
Hold.
The release of age

promises but one checked out
some none and some so many.
A clear sky to the stain of sod
markings forgotten
illness overcome

caught in a new world, a world ignored
tested in depth
measurements and toil given and gotten.
Clutched so hard
forced to move upsidedown

trapped doors and archives for
murkier dissent, gems rare and
we but dwellers of dungeons
deep.
Praying for higher and fragrance and space

alone to answer and alone to see
blue eyes wait watching
cry, cry now
Waiting.
Hating.
Praying.
Waiting.
dead
Waiting. pain
Free.

may we never need the waiting room

-bH

Trying not to settle.

Calm down it says.
Not possible
Why?
Why
It is as it has always been
Why
Why?
Not telling
Oh
Hey

Calm down

________________________________________

I desperately need sleep.
Soon I tell my eyes. Soon I tell my skin.
Soon I’ll tell my palms.
Very soon, I promise my arches.
Never tell the bladder, it lies. Forever so.

They never answer in silence. They wither in a Sahara, thirst for Petroleum , retch out Ashes. Dear Cotton don’t be holy.

Good luck on end of year exams, assignments, deadlines and corrections.

Academia can be a bitch.

The Eve of New Happenings

I spent December 31st with two things on my mind:
1) The Hobbit: The Battle of Five Armies
2) Death

The movie was showing. And my instagram account is piled high with the promise of books, fantasy and fiction. But as I sat there in the dark, alone, I kept thinking “I could die right now”. Yes, morbid but the raw thoughts of mankind is rarely tied with a bow! So I wondered what my family was doing; I had left the house in need of a breather from the storm of nieces and nephews that huddle in during the Christmas break.

I watched multiple deaths on that screen. I watched Arrogance and Strength war with each other. And still my fingers began to tingle in the not-so-nice-or-jazz way. The picks like icicles on all fronts of my hands. I sat stunned. I wanted it to end. I had only eaten breakfast that morning I must be hungry.

I don’t know when it ended. I do know that as I sat on the bus watching the remnants of the setting sun from the wrong side of the bus (the right), I thought about needing to finish Golden Son by Pierce Brown (at the time the huge hardback had been strategically squashed into an old camera side bag). But hauling the tomb out in public is easier said than done. So I took some photos of the book and the 75th Anniversary edition of The Hobbit I had just purchased on a whim. The debris of thought and air swirling in my pits. I looked at my books.

Three hours later my mother got a phone call. I was oblivious in bed and the kids running around screeching in mirth and mayhem while clad in glittering masquerade masks. My father’s little sister and the closest my mum had to a best friend has passed away.

I was named after her.
She had never shown any symptoms.
She had left behind six kids.

And so midnight closed in. 2015 in all its glory and promise was prime to glide over the world. But around me was silence and the curious and confused stares of little faces. The masks dropped forgotten as new minds tried to sleep comprehending existence turned to nothing. If even that.

I wonder if they realised that even the ‘big people’ wrestled with nothingness too.

I believe in an afterlife. I believe in the unseen. I believe in fate.

I wonder what difference my belief makes if I don’t listen to it.

Here’s to 2015 because our past is a lesson and the remainder of our breath a challenge we must continue to solve.