Tag Archives: bucket list

Yes, My Plans Reject Me but I AM NOT YOU.

A idea, a pamphlet, a distraction

it becomes embedded my my nerves as well.

I plan. Plan so much; routes, times, lists, pictures, speech.

And when the day hits I go.

Mostly.

When I do what do I feel? Happy? Content?

Like I have finally achieved something?

Perhaps it’s just that I left comfort, done something. Found a Me.

Made a draft that I painted in full.

Because when it doesn’t happen I feel death.

I feel a heart crumpled, a vein blocked.

A mind melded to a lumped throat

Drawings of routes, times, lists, pictures and speech useless.

A waste.

Crying won’t help so don’t go about sad.

Plot. Plan more. Keep doing it again and again and again until I plan Perfection.

I plan Happiness.

I plan Contentment.

One day I will find Me.

and you? You can just watch. You can chat, misunderstand, hate or even be wiser than me.

But me? I will have done life.

I pray my Lord stays with me. Always.

Waiting is the Watchword

Waiting. 

That’s the keyword for today.

Wait for the hot water. Wait for the sun to rise. Wait for the tea to cool. Wait for a bus. Wait out fellow commuters slugging along Longford. Wait for the end of assembly. Wait for the next colleague. Wait for the test to end for surely these seconds could pass for minutes.  Wait for another bus. Wait for my door to open. Wait for my ride. Wait for that receptionist. Wait for a dozen incorrect logins to verify. Wait for salaah to begin. Wait for this lab door to open. Wait for it all to begin.
…and yes my list may have ended there, as my teacher came along and finally unlocked the lab, but sadly it was not the end of my wait.
However, the real cherry on the Waiting Pie? You never asked, but I will nonetheless reply: The third bus of my day.

That 20A national express that sped away from campus as I stepped out its “convenient” automatic doors. Leaving me to wonder around aimlessly for 32 minutes.
Why, thank you Coventry for the regular prompt rotation of buses.

And here I am unable to a acknowledge that these choices I’ve made are for the best.

Because here on this bus where I sit (the fifth bus of the day) my empty stomach and medicated mind wonder: Why does my head feel sucked up of all air? Barren. And yet heavy too, in all its stillness. Like the wide expanse of a parched desert-scape, airless and stifling, only accepting the stark, unforgiving rays of the scalp. Tightening.  This is how I found my coherency (much later); tangled and strained. As for the goals I had? Well those I’m sure will come back to me once I breathe again.

In hindsight, as I read over this entry I realise much of it may seem incoherent and exaggerated. But reader understand that the human being is complex and every one of our minds holds the capacity for infinite combinations and variations.

It just so happens that on this day my mind, body and soul felt used up. I do not apologise (except to my health). I do believe however, that every tear, strength of will and challenge that we shed, show and solve can only make us all the more stronger.

Here’s to us all on the days where Brain and Body rage war on Ambition. Kisses and Hugs on the house.

And through all difficulty and every ease we should turn to the Most High. I pray that I always do. That the Angels above become so attuned to my voice that even my whisper of help (or happiness) brings forth the rushing response from Above. Ameen Ya Rabul’Alameen.

and unto you Peace.

Fantasy Bucket List (Sci-Fi, Epic and Action)

My personal hardback section of fantasy fiction.
My personal hardback section of fantasy fiction.

This is a genre I love delving into. Call it being mindless to the reality that surrounds us or a subconscious need for adventure but the world of the unknown plays a huge role in my world. And for humans to put pen to paper and create epic new continents, creatures and characters is something of a miracle.

I don’t care what you say, IMAGINATION is magic. (This is true in both beautiful and horrific ways.)

Here goes: (AN: If I want to read a series I simply list the first book.)

  1. Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury
  2. Enders Game by Orson Scott Card
  3. Leviathan Wakes by James. S. A. Corey
  4. The Eye of the World by Robert Jordan
  5. Golden Son by Pierce Brown (Release date in 2015)
  6. Emperor: The Gates of Rome by Conn Iggulden
  7. Wolf of the Plains by Conn Iggulden
  8. Bitterblue by Kristin Cashore
  9. Wool by Hugh Howey
  10. The Final Empire by Brandon Sanderson
  11. Steelheart by Brandon Sanderson
  12. The Way of Kings by Brandon Sanderson
  13. The Left Hand of God by Paul Hoffman
  14. The Time Machine by HG Wells
  15. The Winner’s Curse by Marie Rutkoski

Also, if there are any books that you really enjoyed then please do recommend them! Thanks x

Poetry and Play Bucket List

A section of my growing personal poetry collection.
A section of my growing personal poetry collection.

The thing with my reading of poetry is that I do not have fixed readings. My ideal poetry book is a sickly thin paperback written (and at time self published) by unrecognisable poets and play writes. Those slim volumes that amount to no mass attention, yet often speak is the most brilliant of ways to me. I find that they often give the term hidden gem a whole world of tangible meaning.

However, until I find more “gems”, here are a list of poems and plays I look forward to reading one day…

  1. Howl by Allen Ginsberg
  2. The Complete Collected Poems by Maya Angelou
  3. Beowulf: A New Translation by Seamus Heaney
  4. Jerusalem by Jez Butterworth
  5. Mojo by Jez Butterworth
  6. The Skin of Our Teeth by Thornton Wilder
  7. The History Boys by Alan Bennet
  8. The Last Night of the Earth Poems by Charles Bukowski
  9. Cuckoo Calling: A Book of Verse for Youthful People by E.V.Rieu
  10. The Flattered Flying Fish and Other Poems by E.V.Rieu
  11. Love & Misadventure by Lang Leav
  12. The Prophet by Khalil Gibran
  13. Collected Poems by Sylvia Plath

And I cannot express how desperately I want to own, hold and devour Beat Poets by Carmela Cuirara.

Book Bucket List [Classics and Early Century Novels)

My ever ready and oh so helpful book lists, kept at hand since I was a teen.
My ever ready and oh so helpful book lists, kept at hand since I was a teen.

Yes, some are not classics but surely they’re a far cry from my YA, NA and Epic Fantasy reads? Therefore, according to the taxonomy of bH, they go in this list:

  1. 1984 by George Orwell
  2. Beloved – Toni Morrison
  3. Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde by Robert Louis Stellenson
  4. Franny and Zooey by J.D.Salinger
  5. The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas
  6. Ulysses by James Joyce
  7. Animal Farm by George Orwell
  8. A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens
  9. Factotum by Charles Bukowski
  10. Wuthering Heights by Charlotte Bronte
  11. Slaughterhouse – Five by Kurt Vonnegut
  12. Washington Square by Henry James
  13. A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess
  14. To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee
  15. The Old Man and the Sea by Ernest Hemingway