It’s that time of year where I purchase a new diary and categorise all the aspects of my life. I make complex tables of my routine and charts of interest. Then come those lists. The list I don’t believe will ever stop. I don’t think they can. The listing of everything; from key dates and numerical references to books I want to read, to the purchases I’ve just made and the meds I need to take.
And it makes me extremely happy. It keeps me calm. It helps me understand.
So a quick glance at my previous entries and I feel the sickening pit in my heart as I realise the spirituality that gushes unto one during the beautiful month of Ramadhan seems to have puffed out.
there is hope in the air (perhaps a lasting scent?). I sincerely hope it’s fortifying.
See, the crux of this sudden post is that I have finally took the leap and done something that seems so out of the bounds of my life. It may be a trivial matter to most. Actually it’s pretty run-of-the-mill to practically all.
I enrolled at a college. *silence*
yes the above is the response I’m most likely to get.
But the fact of the matter is: It never seemed a possibility for me. Yes, I’ve studied and done my A-Levels but the matter would take a whole James Joyce narrative to explore. So lets put a cork on that. CLUCK.
(Either that’s a demented cork or my conscience actually is a chicken).
RETURN to…my spirituality.
As I took many words to mention above, I started college but nothing is ever as you imagine.
Yes, the campus is great, the staff are helpful and the course promising. But I felt blotted. (Yes blotted not bloated, or even blooded.) The tension in my neck took camp all over my head by the end of the day. And as I sat analysing over the day and all I needed to do now I realised why.
Spirituality. See the thing is my whole life I’ve been blessed enough to have kept to a clean environment. Started work is the name of my Lord; kept my intention for the betterment of my deen; talked to my Lord through all aspects of my day; greeted peers and colleges with smiles and His Name and finally ended my tasks with His Name.
So you can see what my blotter is. It’s the stamp of bureaucracy. The ink of officialism and the print of RESULTS.
This is all good and well for an institute. Actually after working as a teacher/assistant for over three years I say its required if one wants to run a stable yet productive hold.
BUT, as a new chicken I see the production line and I see the future they promise. I just don’t see a handhold.
I ask for no clutch, I simply miss the faith and the good intentions. I miss the spirituality that aligns itself with working for a purpose of good.
I mentioned this over-tensed and blotted feeling to a dear friend of mine who recently graduated. She confirmed that yes “to be honest it does chip away at your spirituality.” However she also said being hyper aware of this can aid you in keeping to your happiness and faith. So I hope this dream of mine to pursue a good education that allows me to continue teaching, runs smoothly and that Allaah the Almighty protects me from above, from below, from the right the left, from whatever may come behind me, and anything that faces me. And gives me the strength to hold onto my faith and love till my last breath. Ameen thuma ameen.
Having not yet decided upon my blogs overall theme I have decided to throw all caution to the wind and seeing which of those seven letters return. Then I may do justice to my thoughts.
This dua was sent to me from a dear old friend, and I watched as each slide unfolded – as every word and praise and plea broke down defenses I did not know I held.
It is by no means the most renowned suplication or most melodic or emotionaly compromising (this is, of course, subjext to each individual). But, dear reader, I felt it in that compartment of my consciousness that tends to sit aside from reality and observe, thinking: umm…huumm yes…indeed…a uncharacteristic turn of events…hmmm…mm…
Forget, for the time being that my idle conscious seems to personify a moustached suit of the Poirot variety, because this is the point where my literal eye decided to pour out actual tears and tears and tears.
I pray that the Most Merciful is softening my heart and strengthening my deen and always continues to do so. Ameen.
I also praise my Lord Allaah Most High for having given me such great companions through my life, and pray He continues to keep me in the company of His most beloved servants. Ameen thuma ameen!
Continuing in however, I must not forget to mention the purpose of this video.
Having a faith, a charity or even a Palestine flag is NOT a requirement for helping those in Palestine. These human beings living each day in fear of a ‘stray’ bullet, constantly under the watch of guns and barred from worshipping as every single one of us has a right to worship, to believe, To hope. No, dear reader, your just need to be Human.
So please raise a hand to donate, to sign a petition, to sing in protest and most importantly to pray.
It seems fitting to dedicate the entry after Bismillah to Al Fatiha.
This entry is by no means an in depth study of the wondrous surah but rather a snapshot into the Islamic month of Ramadhan – of which today is the thirteenth night. I am currently observing the obligatory fast meaning to partake in sehri (to eat in the final portion of the night before dawn) and break the fast at magrib (sunset).
I love this month.
I love how it makes me feel.
I love how it makes me want to be.
See, there is a stark purity to the month and a blinding need within one to return to the path.
And it all began in the Month of the Quraan.
I had hoped to read as much of the Quraan as possible this year. After all it is standard practice to complete (a minimum of) one full recitation of the Book within this blessed month. So I must try. Try to read more. For every time I open the pages of my Quraan and begin to recite my conscious becomes clear, my heart at ease and my mind finally at rest from the ins and outs of everyday.
It is a barrier of my own creation that stops me from reading with regularity and I sincerely pray that recitation of the Quraan become a daily routine, which I practise with ease, until I pass (Ameen).
I’m placing a translation of Al Fatiha below foremost as a reminder and aid to me. Keeping in mind that the translations are always to the nearest possible meaning.
In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful.
Praise be to Allah, Lord of the Worlds. The Beneficent, the Merciful. Master of the Day of Judgement. You alone we worship and You alone we ask for help. Guide us on the straight path. The path of those whom You hast favoured; Not the path of those who earn Your anger nor of those who go astray.
In the Name of Allaah, the Most Beneficent, the Most Merciful.
I’m pleased to have started my first post in the name of my Lord.
Over the years I have come to realise that my public writings have never leaned too close to my faith, never revelling in the beauty of my belief. And I found this mildly surprising as my upbringing and education has, alhumdulillah, been alight with the teachings and purity of Deen. So why is it that if one was to browse through every social network I clung to over the year, from the ancient mySpace to the beg-a-friend Twitter, you would hardly see the name of my Creator? Or even a exclamation of ‘Subhanallah!’?
At this point in time, this blog does not have a overall theme. If was to categorise it into any I would fall into that cliché pit and label it musings.
Yes, this first post declares my faith and sways over the history of my life and networking. It does not however encompass all I am. I am Muslim. I am human. I have hopes, dreams, interests and alhumdulillah the gift of a mind.
And in our hearts, in our voice that we hide from the world, we always, always, know the truth. This is the crux of the matter: No matter what law, order, judgement or folly we humour, in our hearts we truly does know when something is right or wrong; necessary or trivial. Our hearts when opened and listened to, free from all influences or tarnishes is the best of judges.
You, dear reader, may think me drifting. And you may just be correct but understand this: This is my blog and in it I hope to explore as much I am able. Explore, understand, practice, exclaim, be corrected and most importantly learn.