A idea, a pamphlet, a distraction
it becomes embedded my my nerves as well.
I plan. Plan so much; routes, times, lists, pictures, speech.
And when the day hits I go.
When I do what do I feel? Happy? Content?
Like I have finally achieved something?
Perhaps it’s just that I left comfort, done something. Found a Me.
Made a draft that I painted in full.
Because when it doesn’t happen I feel death.
I feel a heart crumpled, a vein blocked.
A mind melded to a lumped throat
Drawings of routes, times, lists, pictures and speech useless.
Crying won’t help so don’t go about sad.
Plot. Plan more. Keep doing it again and again and again until I plan Perfection.
I plan Happiness.
I plan Contentment.
One day I will find Me.
and you? You can just watch. You can chat, misunderstand, hate or even be wiser than me.
But me? I will have done life.
I pray my Lord stays with me. Always.